Last weekend, I went to the botanical gardens, and they were lovely. In the middle of a bustling city was this carefully curated environment of beauty where I knew I wouldn’t stumble across a cigarette butt on the path or graffiti scratched into a tree trunk.

But I did notice something out of place…there were weeds. I don’t know if the gardeners had missed them or they were just stubbornly growing with the recent rains, but in spite of the work of careful gardeners, they had managed to pop up anyway. This is evolution. Chaos wants to happen, Jeff Goldblum couldn’t have said it better himself, and those gardeners could just go stomping through the entire place with weed killer but you know they would just extinguish half the roses and jade trees along the way.

One day Apple will realize that their walled garden isn’t just keeping the bad out, it’s keeping the good from growing, and those with lots of money and little conscience will always find new ways to cheat the system. Fighting the free market is like fighting nature..in the long run, they won’t win.

This is in response to Apple’s recent post in a TouchArcade forum warning developers about using systems like download bots. Not long ago Apple also went after copycat apps as well as TapJoy, who got users to download apps in exchange for in-game credit. Now I think download bots and copycats are shady as shit and, well I don’t really play games, so I think if you want to download a $4 app so you can get more gold coins to grow carrots in your virtual farm or what have you, more power to you…but the point is, these may indeed be underhanded tactics, but they are the natural evolution of developers struggling through an undefined and over-controlled system.

The app store isn’t a fucking boutique in SOHO, it’s a massive global market that has swollen to hundred of thousands of apps. I appreciate Apple’s efforts to personally screen and give special attention to every little snowflake that passes through its hallowed doors but it just aint scalable. It’s time to crowdsource, automate, and offer more ways for good apps to surface themselves. I’m not claiming to have all the answers, but I do have one:

Look, Ping is retarded. We can all agree on this right?

This isn’t news, I think most of us called it day one, the social sharing of your iTunes purchases just isn’t the same as it is for your MOG or Spotify playlists. People under 30 don’t buy music anyway. But my immediate thought upon hearing about the release of Ping was that when Apple finally released Ping for apps, it was going to change app discovery forever….and then…well it never happened.

We can already see a little microcosm of this with Game Center. A number of apps that only have loose associations with games have found a way to gamify so that they can use this as an avenue for discovery. For non-social apps, the avenues for discovery are limited, I’m simply not going to share my Period Tracker or Lemon financial app on Facebook the same way I am a damn Instagram photo. Apps have limited avenues, and short of shady tactics and a gamble on going viral, even a lot of games don’t have much of a prayer in the vast sea of the app store.

Apple can tow their stupid line of “great apps will just succeed because they’re great” but that’s a load of bullshit. Marketers need more understanding of the algorithms and fair avenues to sell, and users need more of a crowd sourced way to discover apps. Apple, give us the rules and the tools, and we can do half your work for you.

Scientists nowadays say that evolution in the human race has stopped. Keeping any bad germs or diseases from getting to our systems has weakened us and medication and treatment keeps the bad from being weeded out. The same thing is happening in the app store.

Today Apple responded to the pleas of developers the world over with a tidy list of all the things that will get your app kicked to the curb. And man is it snarky. Here are the top five bitchiest statements in the newly released review guidelines.

1. “We have over 250,000 apps in the App Store. We don’t need any more Fart apps.”

2. “We have lots of serious developers who don’t want their quality Apps to be surrounded by amateur hour.”

3. “We will reject Apps for any content or behavior that we believe is over the line. What line, you ask? Well, as a Supreme Court Justice once said, ‘I’ll know it when I see it’ And we think that you will also know it when you cross it.”

4. “Apple and our customers place a high value on simple, refined, creative, well thought through interfaces. They take more work but are worth it. Apple sets a high bar. If your user interface is complex or less than very good, it may be rejected.”

5. “If you want to criticize a religion, write a book. If you want to describe sex, write a book or a song, or create a medical app.”